just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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