Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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