I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
