Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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