Sponge bath it is.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize