Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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