it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Terrible idea I love it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
