porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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