It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
