Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
