when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
