True but thats because hes a fetus.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize