I puked a lego.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
