please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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