I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
