the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
