Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize