Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
