If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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