dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize