saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
