there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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