My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His nipple licking is glorious
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