The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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