what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
