We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This is my gift to your gina
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
