I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
