what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
