So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
