Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
