TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
