sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
