Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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