Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
