if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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