My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
