Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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