I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
