dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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