mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
