the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is the high leading the old right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
