You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We are two peas in an std pod
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
