Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
