I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
