I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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