Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
