How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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