This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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