You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
