our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
