This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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