cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
