honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize