Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
