Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
