He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
