naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
