That's when you crack a 10am beer
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
