Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
