There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
