would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
