doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
