I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
