i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
