i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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