Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
