How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
