Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
