the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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