soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You are a genius and a whore.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
