I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
