Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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