I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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