4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
