My boss' voice literally gives me gas
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
