im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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