and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
BRING THE BAGELS
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
