you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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