i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
