are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
