He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
