I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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