Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
