So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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