i permit you to call me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
