flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
