Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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