We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize