Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
