I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fuck appropriateness.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
