I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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