Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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