you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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